Evelyn Weigert describes herself as a colorful dog. Her fans love her for the open nature she shows. Now the moderator, podcaster and influencer has also gone under the authors. A conversation about self-love, Instagram and Vulven.
Why do you think we find it so difficult to love ourselves?
Evelyn Weigert: We are triggered from outside all the time – especially nowadays via social media. That just makes it incredibly difficult to keep the focus and not to compare yourself. When your body isn’t that perfect or you’re not that successful, it often becomes even more difficult to love yourself – after all, everyone else seems to have great bodies or great jobs.
Others often look at us with much more love than we can at ourselves.
There is often a big difference between self-perception and the perception of others. We usually treat ourselves the worst. I notice it again and again when I talk to friends about their supposed problem areas. For example, they complain about how stupid their legs look, while I think they look super beautiful. Unfortunately, we are usually the strictest on ourselves. You see yourself with different eyes.
In your book you describe that you already saw the situation differently when you were in elementary school than it might have been.
I was bullied by two girls in elementary school and felt that no one wanted anything to do with me. My mother later told me that children often called us and wanted to play with me. However, I refused. I always wanted to belong to these two horse girls – to have a clique. But they just didn’t want anything to do with me. I thought that was a pity. Even as a child you have an idea of what is normal, good or cool. And you want to belong to the normal and cool kids. And I was already a sore thumb when I was at school.
You dedicate a chapter of your book to vulva. A friend said to me in high school: “Actually, private parts are really ugly and disgusting.” Where does this shame come from?
Just a few days ago I bought soaps in the shape of a vulva at a stand in Mauerpark and I was happy about it. And in the situation I noticed that I was slowly throwing my idea that a vagina should look like a small milk bun overboard. But that took quite a long time. My husband didn’t understand at all that women are ashamed of the appearance of their vulva. He said he’s never even talked to friends about a vulva looking weird. I don’t really know why that is either. For myself, however, I can say that even after having two children, I have really made peace with my vulva and find it really beautiful.
As a mother, have you often been confronted with prejudices and clichés?
Thank god that has rarely happened to me. I also have to say that as a mother I put myself under a lot of pressure and I think I have to do everything on my own. And balancing work and children is really a challenge. Every day I learn anew what I can and can’t do. But fortunately I haven’t received many prejudices from the outside, I’m very grateful for that because I know from friends how hurtful that can be.
How relaxed were you when your body changed as a result of pregnancy?
I was super relaxed during pregnancy – even if I sometimes wondered about the weight when I looked at the scales. But I celebrated it. But after the birth I was a bit devastated that not everything I had gained was immediately gone. Even if a 33 kilo baby would of course be utopian. My body has changed and I’m in the process of making friends with my new body. But there are days when I stand in front of the mirror and think that it doesn’t look the way I imagined. For me, part of self-love is not liking my body for a few days.
So self-love is also a lifelong task.
I think that’s very individual. It’s really good for me to treat my body with humor. I then do funny poses in front of my family and friends and laugh about it. This is a kind of therapy for me to accept myself in my new body. I find the word self-love also builds pressure. It’s the coolest thing in the world to be able to love yourself, but that takes time and a lot of reflection.
On social media, your profile and many others represent body positivity. Do you think this is a good move? Or does it put pressure on people because they think they always have to feel good about their bodies?
I always say that you don’t have to do anything – at most be happy. I don’t feel in top shape in my body at the moment either, but I don’t do any sports, for example, to change it. All in all, I think my body is ok the way it is. When I deal with it, I also realize that I feel good in one situation and don’t like being in my own skin in the next. I think you have to take some of the seriousness out of it – in the end it’s just a body.
They advocate that women should pay more attention to themselves, be it when dating or having sex.
I think you just have to realize how unnecessary many things are. When I think about the show I used to put on while dating, it just makes me sad and embarrassed. It’s no use pretending. If I’m just pretending all the time, I can’t expect much. For me, reflection is very important. Unfortunately we are all the hardest on ourselves, so it is important that we learn to forgive ourselves as well. Talking about self-doubt with friends and family, for example, helps me a lot.
As you look back at your book and your work, what is the most important piece of advice you can give?
At the end of the day everything is always fake. Nothing you see on Instagram isn’t staged. No matter how authentic an Instagram account is, the person posting is concerned about what they’re sharing and what’s not. I show a lot on Instagram and post candid photos – but I don’t take the worst picture.
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